When you hear statistics such as Black people being least likely to get married but most likely to get divorced, how does that make you feel? Or how about all the cases of single Black mothers having to raise their children alone because the father left them? It also seems as if more and more Black men are turning away from Black women, listing various reasons why they do so… And why does it seem like most Black men never want to get married until they are probably 40, if ever?
Turn on the TV and you will find TV shows that paint Black couples in a positive manner strangely absent. Instead you are bombarded with reality TV that show men as dogs and women as loud gold-diggers. What’s going on? Has it really gotten that bad that we allow ourselves and our relationships to be pictured as such?
This is the beginning of many open dialogues that I want to have on this blog. I invite you all to share your thoughts and opinions on the subject in an unfiltered way. Hopefully we can get a healthy discussion started and see how everyone REALLY feels.
Are you single? Married? Dating? What do YOU think?
I don’t believe that “Black Love” still exist to some degree but I do believe that it most definitely can thrive again. It all begins with the choices we make as individuals which in turn will affect the relationships that we engage ourselves in. Although media plays a role in the way we view ourselves, the “role models” that we look to for what Black Love should be are not always the best. Picture growing up as a young female with a mother constantly in and out of relationships (many of them abusive), not carrying herself in a respectable manner, argumentative, uncaring, etc….many (not all) in such a situation grow up thinking “this is how it should be – it’s normal” when in fact, nothing could be more untruthful. Same for a young male who doesn’t have anyone to show him how to treat a woman (missing father/father figure) or seeing the same “mother” as previously described and thinking “this is the way I should treat women because it’s okay with my mother – it’s normal”….again, so far away from the truth.
I think it is helpful for those that strive for that special “Black Love” to seek out those rare jewels that still posses it. Find out how they got it and most important – how in the world they keep it!
It will take individuals making better choices about how they allow another people to treat them and how they treat others going forward and sharing their new found knowledge with anyone who will listen – and more importantly those that don’t want to hear it. The change has to start somewhere….will it begin with you?
Twitter: WaynesBNP
July 19, 2011 at 11:00 pm #
I think you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned family. So many Black youth are seeing the images you listed and think that it is normal. A young boy who never has a father to tell him the only right way to treat a woman will more than likely take his cues from what he sees on TV or maybe an older male figure. This oftentimes could lead to a mere imitation of the behavior that they see.
I personally did not grow up in a happy home with great role models for Black love. However, to answer your question, one of my goals is to in fact show that it CAN exist.. I want to have a healthy thriving family and be able to set the example you mentioned for not only my children but other members of the community as well. I would dare to say we share a common goal…
First I want to say that there’s nothing “black” about love…go figure, right. But that’s not what’s important. I’ve noticed and pondered not too recently that regardless of what happens “black people” are always the last/worst in many categories.
Even when we do well…if we fail or perform poorly, we do so with an equal amount of impact.
I’m currently single…I don’t like any type of statistics that reflects us in a negative way, but for all the negative media and attention can I get some insight in the lives of the folks who ARE doing well?
Probably won’t see that anytime soon.
Karla made a lot of poignant points. Black love does still exist -in my mind- but it’s not the type that I’m used to seeing in the artist’s drawings (i.e. strong black man with a black woman supporting him; usually partially clothed or in some type of sensual positon)…and that’s for a numbr of reasons.
Black love is changing…and I feel it’s a product of the environment which surrounds, whether that is good or evil.
In a world where everything is becoming connected, inseparable, and a melting pot of “this and that”; don’t be surprised if there are more interacial relations on the rise across the board.
I did watch Diary of a Tired Black Man a few months back….it’s filled with some truth, but at the end of the day we have to want to make it work.
Twitter: WaynesBNP
July 21, 2011 at 9:20 am #
I might have to take a look at that movie. Thanks for the insight bro!
Man, you had to start trouble, didn’t you? lol
I’ll tell a brief part of my story so you can understand my point of view. I got married at age 37, my first marriage. I only had 4 girlfriends my entire life; the first 3 white, the woman I married black.
I didn’t grow up for the most part around many black people, but I was a military kid so I knew people of all races. However, the one year I did go to an all black school (okay, we had one Mexican kid) was the worst experience across the board for me; I never had black women on the brain after that, even though it was only a couple of years later that I started reading, then advocating, for black rights and black power; imagine that as a 12-year old. lol
Anyway, it probably took until I was around 33 when I started to recognize that it really wasn’t an issue of black or white; it was more an issue of society. I almost never met any black women until I started working at a health center in the city. There I met many women of color, and I use that term because it wasn’t just black women. I mean, I went to a high school where out of over 3,800 kids if there were 50 black kids it was a stretch. I went to a college where the percentage of black kids had to be less than 1%. I went to dance clubs for the music but almost never saw any black women there.
So suddenly I was surrounded by women of every type and I started to see those I didn’t want to put up with because of demeanor and those that I felt I could get along with. Race had nothing to do with it; race never had anything to do with it, and it took this experience to realize that.
As for the stereotypes, man, sometimes stereotypes are prevalent, and thus real. However, what’s funny is that there are, numbers wise, more white women with black babies and missing fathers than black women with black babies and missing fathers. That’s the truth that’s missing, but it points out an interesting fact, that being that black love isn’t necessarily missing, just that commitment to women by black men might be lacking to a degree. Not all, but definitely a lot.
Yeah, I’m betting I’m going to be hearing it about this one; I can take it. lol
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Sorry for being so late to respond on the oldest, yet newest topic that we wrestle with. Thank you for the chance to share a few thoughts on “Black love.” I would like to say that love knows no color. Love is an act of the will, eminating from the heart and revealing itself in our actions. Love actually means “committment.” Love never fails, yet we have failed relationships of people who once professed to love each other all around us.
Unfortunatlely, we live in a society that mistakes sensuality for love.This misinterpretation of love leaves people disillusioned and disheartened, going from relationship-to-relationship. Each one failing to fulfill.
Some say you must learn to love yourself before you can love others. That’s not exactly true, as love seeks the highest good of another. Love is selfless and self-sacrificing. Love is also a verb. Men, if you have someone special, take action…committ to her, honor her and endeavor to help her to be all she can be.
Part 2: Women, if you have a special someone, committ to him, honor him and endeavor to help him become he can be. This mutual committment to the betterment and benefit of each other will go a long way in ensuring your love stands the test of time.
I have chosen to use God’s divine standard of love as exemplified in Christ. “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16).
The ability to love like this begins with a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Knowing God and His love enables a man to love a woman on the highest plane.
How to begin: 1) Our sins have separated us from God (Isaiah 59:2). 2) God is holy, therefore He must punish sin (Ezekiel 18:4). 3) Jesus Christ died for our sins, was buried and rose again (1 Corinthians 15:1-4). God accepts everyone who repents and trusts Christ as Savior.
Love makes the world go around. Find your soulmate and touch the magic in your life. Where do you find the one you were meant to love? Help is just a site away. Color doesn’t matter…. the heart is color blind.
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Nice sharing of story very inspiring..Thanks a lot for sharing this to us..
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